Grief and Loss
It’s curious how one can suddenly come to some fundamental understandings about the past. Suddenly, how one felt years ago becomes clear, and it makes sense. I’ve just arrived at a clear perception of a difficult period of my life, precipitated by the loss of some friends.
I was shocked for a while, then felt depressed for several months. I gradually got better. I wasn’t really focussing on my work, didn’t feel that the world around me was quite right. Nothing made sense. I lost much of my motivation for doing anything, was happy to just be a passenger. At the time, I blamed this on the Larium. But today I read something that makes things clear for me:
Emotional adjustment: generalized grieving response(Link)first phase: initial injury and rehabilitation (about 3 months) denial and the initial grief reaction second phase: adjustment to the home environment (3 to 9 months) depression, anxiety, and lack of stable self-concept third phase: recovery of a stable self-concept, hopefully with successful reintegration in the community (1 year) stable social network, decreased depression and anxiety, more stable self-concept final phase: complete readjustment (2 to 3 years) increased energy and focus on life goals and life satisfaction, physical limitations integrated into lifestyle
That’s what I felt! But nobody had died? Why should I feel grief?
(Link)
- Any Change Of Circumstance can cause us to go through this process.
- We don’t have to go through the stages in sequence. We can skip a stage or go through two or three simultaneously.
- We can go through them in different time phases. The dead battery could take maybe 5 to 10 minutes, the loss of a parking space 5 to 10 seconds. A traumatic event which involves the Criminal Justice System can take years.
- The intensity and duration of the reaction depends on how significant the change-produced loss is perceived.
I was grieving for the lost friends, and the lost love. I had no idea it could take so long to deal with.